When I Look At You
by InsertACreativeNameHere
Summary: After a huge fall out with her best friend, she thought she'd never see those deep, green eyes ever again. But she did. They belonged to someone else though. Oneshot.
**Hello there peoples!**

 **As a break from Inner Struggles I decided to write this. I know that it's Easter, a time to celebrate and be happy, but this has been on my mind lately. Hope you'll like it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon – books, movies, nor TV series.**

 **When I Look At You**

They had known each other their whole lives. 

Their mothers were the best of friends so naturally the two children spent a lot of time together. They somehow clicked together. The confident blonde girl and the awkward and sarcastic boy with the greenest eyes she had ever encountered. 

When they were in primary school, they were practically inseparable. If one of them went somewhere, the other was sure to follow. The boy had an extraordinary mind and an imagination that assured their time together was never boring. Some would even call the duo a pair of troublemakers. Sure, they might've broken a few things while they played. Or got in trouble with Mrs. Hawkins, their teacher. But it didn't matter, not to them, because they were having a great time as best friends. 

Astrid remembered one time when they were playing in His garden. The home was situated by the forest, separated only by a simple latticework. They were playing Vikings and Dragons, a game created by Him, when they heard a weird noise coming from behind the metal fence. The two friends stopped running around the big garden and looked at each other. The weird noise could be heard again and He went up to see what was going on. Astrid, of course, followed after him curiously. What they found was a tiny, black cat. He seemed really injured, his tail was bleeding and as He tried to come closer, the animal hissed. The cat tried to bite His hand but as it turned out, it didn't have any teeth. Her best friend had not been discouraged by the animal's hostile attitude. 

The cat had green eyes, so much like Him. 

As His mother was a vet, the cat was lucky enough to receive a proper treatment. Because of the lack of teeth, he was named, well, _Toothless_. Astrid remembered laughing at the silly name, but His mind was set on it and she knew that nothing could change that. 

Stubborn, lovable dummy. 

Then came the middle school and while at first they stayed inseparable, the bond didn't seem as strong by the end of it. Astrid started to engage more into school's business, becoming a vice president and a volleyball team captain, while He preferred to stay in the shadows. Astrid made new friends, He… not really. He was not bullied but He was not one to let people in so easily. Astrid was enough for Him, her best friend once told her. She tried to spend as much time with the boy as possible but it was not always easy. And, despite what she was telling herself, she really liked having a bigger group of friends. It was shallow of her, she was aware of that, but somehow she went with it anyway. 

It was at the age of fourteen that they became really close again. Astrid found out that her supposed friends weren't what she thought they were. And when they insulted Him of all people, Astrid felt her blood boil. After giving them a piece of her mind, she turned on her heel and never looked back. _No one_ insulted her best friend. 

By the summer foregoing their first year of high school, they were attached to the hip again. 

Astrid was very careful not to make the same mistake she did in the middle school. She, Him and four other teen's their age formed a group of friends. Smaller group than before but in the following four years, they got really close. The barmy Thorston twins, smug Snotlout and shy Fishlegs – an unusual bunch for sure, but a fun one too. Thanks to all of them, high school was not a boring time in their lives. 

It wasn't long before boys started to take interest in her. Astrid was a beautiful, young girl – lean, tall, with long, blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. She went on a few dates but there was no… spark. She, of course, was not the only one to hit puberty with a more than satisfying result. He had to. And at first He was still the same but then Astrid started _noticing_ things. Like how His jaw sharpened, a shy stubble made an appearance on His chin and His normally skinny frame became more lean. 

And his _eyes_ … they were greener than ever before, it seemed. 

Astrid found her eyes wandering into His direction more often than ever before. Her heart fluttered in a weird, unexplainable way whenever He was really close. She found out that Him hanging out alone with other girls didn't sit well with her. She was not supposed to feel this way, the girl knew that. 

It all fell apart the day after the prom. They went together – as best friends of course. But it didn't go the way it was supposed to. Alcohol was involved and that turned out to be a decisive factor. After the dance they went to His house. It was empty as His parents were away for a few days. It was supposed to be a sleepover, two friends talking and laughing all night. 

She didn't remember who kissed who first. 

The next day was a nightmare. Astrid didn't know who shouted first but it didn't matter. If she could turn back time, she would. It was all a big misunderstanding that could have been easily avoided if they were honest with each other. But both of them were scared and confused, hateful words coming out of their mouths involuntarily. He bore His heart to her but she rejected him, placing their friendship as a priority. It was the single most stupid thing Astrid had done in her life. 

He left her life that day and never came back. 

They avoided each other in hallways, didn't talk to one another. Both were too proud or perhaps too scared to face each other. After graduation she left her hometown and her friends behind. 

Beside the loss of her best friend and a broken heart, she was left with one more thing. As she stared into her daughter's deep, green eyes, she couldn't help but think that the girl was not only her little miracle. 

It was a reminder of her selfishness as well. 

* * *

"Mom... I just don't think it's a good idea." 

"Astrid you haven't come home _once_ since the graduation. It's been eight years already." Her mother was, like her, a very stubborn person. Astrid had to admit that she had a valid point, though. The twenty-six year old woman avoided her hometown like the plague. It were her parents that visited her and little Kassie every time. She just couldn't afford to go there and stumble upon Him. Astrid didn't know what happened to her former best friend after graduation. He tried to contact her numerous times in the first three years, even His mother called a few times, but she ignored every call, not being able to face Him. At least not yet. At first it was because she was angry at him. But the feeling didn't last long and when she found out about her pregnancy, she felt ashamed. Of her childish behaviour, of her inability to tell Him how she truly felt. And, besides, He was a person that hated being tied up – He loved freedom – she couldn't just waltz back into His life like that and have such big expectations. It wasn't fair for Him. 

"Please Astrid." The young woman looked at the ground. She _did_ miss her home. And it would be good for Kassie to go out of town for a few days. She and her daughter lived in a small apartment in the poorer part of the city, unfortunately. Her job was not well-paid but Astrid worked hard so that both she and Kassie had a fairly good life. The blonde woman tried really hard to make her daughter's life the best she could. And what were the odds of Him being there, right? He was probably some rich businessman that had tons of women by his side. 

Good for Him. 

"Fine. I'll… I'll come." Her mother made a sound of delight and Astrid smiled despite herself. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all. 

Kassie certainly thought so. As soon as she heard the news, she hadn't stopped bubbling about it. Her daughter was so full of energy. It reminded her of Him when they were still children. _No,_ _you_ _need_ _to_ _stop_ _thinking_ _like that, Astrid_. 

Even after all those years He still managed to affect her life. And she was supposed to move on. Well, that was going _great_. Astrid tried going on dates a few times but it never worked out. It was clear that her heart belonged to someone already. 

It was July so Kassie had holidays. She and Astrid took a train barely a week later. Her parents came for them to the train station and the whole family got into the car. 

"Mommy, look. There's a cow!" Astrid smiled at the seven-year old. Berk, her hometown, consisted mostly of farms and ports used for the prospering fishing industry. Kassie had never been out of the big city so it was no wonder she was so amazed. Her green eyes shone with happiness as she pointed to different animals outside of the window. They arrived at Astrid's old home. The young woman got out of the car and took a deep breath as she looked around. A few houses away was His home. It didn't change at all. Still huge and painted white. Unlike her, His family was quite well-off. 

"Astrid." She snapped from her thoughts when she heard her dad calling her name. She took her baby blue suitcase from the trunk and made her way to her childhood home. The interior stayed exactly the same, only some minor things had changed. 

Kassie found the old family cat quickly enough. She had this love for all animals so it was no surprise that it was Stormfly that caught the little girl's attention. Astrid's mother made some coffee and the three adults sat to have a conversation. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. Her dad went to answer it. Astrid felt her heart stop and her smile vanish. Valka Haddock, His mother, walked into the kitchen. As the older woman's eyes settled on her, they got slightly colder. 

"Astrid." Valka had always been such a warm, loving person. It was weird to see her so… reserved. Astrid deserved it, though. 

"Mommy, can I go outside with Stormfly?" silence came over the whole room. His mother turned to the little, blonde girl standing in the doorway. Her eyes widened at the sight. Valka glanced at Astrid again. 

She didn't ask. She didn't need to. The age, the shape of Kassie's nose, the ears and freckles on her face. And most importantly – _His_ green eyes. 

"I think we need to talk." Valka finally uttered. Astrid could only nod wordlessly. As she got up from her chair, she felt her knees slightly buckling from under her. It was not going to be a pleasant conversation, that was for sure. She followed Valka into the living room. Her mother had gone too, though Kassie and her father went outside with the cat. 

" I knew you were coming today. I needed to talk to you." Valka started. She looked no less nervous than Astrid. But wait… She didn't know of Kassie being His daughter up until now or at least it seemed this way. So what was so important? Did Valka came in His name, for them to finally bury the hatchet and make up? She felt that it wasn't the case… 

"Since it's the first time you've been here since… uh, your, your graduation, there was no way to have this conversation with you, at least not eye to eye." Astrid felt that something was wrong. Valka took out a folder from her overused bag and put in on the table. Her hands were shaking badly. 

"I don't know what exactly happened between the two of you but… he really loved you. Till the end." _End_? What end? Astrid felt her insides twist. " You should read his will. He included you." The woman slid the folder towards the young blonde. 

"Will?" Astrid crocked out after what felt like hours, _years_ even. Valka looked up surprised. She turned to Astrid's mother. 

"You didn't tell her?" her mother shook her head slowly. 

"Tell me what?" Astrid's voice trembled as she looked over the two women. 

" Astrid, dear, Hiccup passed away almost five years ago." The girl felt her world crumbling. He... he couldn't be... _No_. " We tried to contact you but you weren't answering our calls." No, no, no. This wasn't happening. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked her mother. The blonde felt tears falling down her cheeks. 

"You were so heart-broken already. I didn't want to make you even more so. I though it was better if you didn't know." Astrid shook her head and tried to wipe off her tears with her hand. It was pointless, though, because new ones were running down her face already. Her mother went to grab her hand but Astrid swatted it away. "I wanted to protect you." 

"H-how did He...?" 

"Brain tumour. Aggressive one. He had no chance." Astrid had had enough. She stood up and walked out of the room, ignoring Valka and her mother. She grabbed her coat quickly. 

"Mommy? Why are you crying?" a small voice asked from behind her. The blonde woman swallowed. 

"I'm fine, b-baby. I just need to go for a walk." And without another word she walked out of the house. She didn't know where to go but she needed to think it all through. Tears blurred her vision as her mind came back to the last time she had seen him. 

" _We should just try and forget..."_

" _What? Astrid... I can't. Don't tell me it was a mistake to you."_

" _It... it shouldn't have happened. We're best friends."_

" _Oh for the love of... I love you Astrid! I always have..."_

" _..."_

" _Please, Astrid say something,_ anything _..."_

" _No... we shouldn't. Hiccup, just... pretend it never happened."_

" _I can't. Not anymore..."_

She couldn't breathe. What would've happened if she said how she felt? She wished, oh she _wished_ so badly, she did. All this time she had been drowning in self-pity and Hiccup, lovely, caring Hiccup, kept loving her even after she had been so horrible to him. Of course He did. 

Stubborn, lovable dummy. 

Astrid didn't know what compelled her to go where she did. She didn't even know where he was buried. The Berk cemetery had never been a particularly pleasant place, the trees were bare and scary, the grass was grey and dried to the point it cracked as she walked on it. Her legs moved on her own. The blonde stopped by a marble stone in the richer part of the cemetery. Some part of her still couldn't accept the fact that He was dead, that He was never coming back. Never would she see His crooked smile again. Or hear one of His terrible jokes. At least His eyes, a very important part of Him, would still live in _their_ daughter. Astrid glanced at the stone. 

HENRY HADDOCK 

28.07.1990-12.01.2011 

A son, a friend. 

Forever in our hearts. 

"I'm so sorry." She broke down in tears. Her legs gave up and the young woman collapsed on the grass. She didn't remember when was the last time she cried so hard. 

"I- I should have told you… I should have been by your side. I would have cared for you. I…" her voice broke as tears kept falling down her face. The blonde sobbed loudly. A quiet noise came from behind her. When she turned around she saw a once dark cat. Toothless' green eyes shone brightly, even after all those years. Astrid was surprised the cat was still alive. She held out her hand but the cat hissed and backed away. 

"Toothless, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you." The cat hesitated a bit before coming closer. He sniffed her outstretched hand cautiously and, recognizing the smell, came and laid himself by her knees. He didn't look so well. The animal must've been devastated after Hiccup's death – they were really close. The blonde noticed a plastic bowl by the gravestone. It would seem that Toothless lived here now, by his friend's side. Till the end. The girl looked at the ground and continued. 

"I wanted to make it right but… I was scared and you know that I hate feeling like that." Astrid smiled slightly. It felt good to talk to him like that. " You have a daughter. She's… she's amazing. The best kid anyone could wish for. Her name's Kassie, she's almost eight now. You would have loved her so much." Her voice broke on the last word. Astrid ran a hand through the cat's thinning fur. She sobbed again. "She loves drawing. And animals. I see so much of you in her it's painful. If I could turn back time, I would. I was so selfish… And I-I took away the chance of you two ever meeting. I don't even know why I did it. I was young and naïve." 

"I don't know…" she whispered softly. 

Astrid stayed there for some time. Toothless fell asleep with his snout on her tight and her hand stroked him absently. The blonde talked to Him a bit more, recalling their time spent together. She cried and laughed. But, in the end, she felt better. She felt more at peace. She wanted to believe that he somehow heard her. That he forgave her. As Astrid decided it was time to go, she finally felt she could say it to Him. She was finally brave enough. 

"I love you too. With all my heart." 

**A/N:**

 **Yeah. When I started writing it, it was supposed to be something light and positive. I have no idea how but it turned a bit… sad. Huh.**

 **I was surprised to find out that cats live so long – sometimes over 20 years. I read somewhere that there was a cat that had 28 years.**

 **Thank you for reading, and, as that's just a oneshot, I won't be able to answer the guest reviews. I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **R &R**

 **Till next time!**

 **~InsertACreativeNameHere**


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